Living with depression

After writing this whole blog out, my internet connection failed and I lost the whole thing. That’s what I feel like my life has been like for the whole of this year. Every time I think i’m getting somewhere, I end up right back where I was at the start again. I want to have a positive, feel good blog. I want to make people smile. But I want to keep it real. I want you to connect with my posts because you feel something when you read them. Whether you live with a mental health illness too or read this from a totally different perspective, I want you to take the words that I say into your soul and keep them there. I want people to understand. Otherwise there is no point in me writing at all. I promise I will bring you good vibes, love and light in what I do. But it’s really important to show that nobody is perfect. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes. It’s how we pick ourselves back up when we are on the floor that counts.


– It’s so easy to pick the nobody understands how I feel‘ option when you feel down.

Correct, nobody will ever know what it’s like to be inside your head but they might pick that thought process too. People understand what it’s like to feel like nobody understands.

-It’s okay to change as a person. Don’t beat yourself up because you wish that you were still the same person that you was a few years ago.

I do this a lot. I tell myself that I want to go back to being care free. Before the depression and anxiety. But in reality, why would I want to go backwards? Yes, things may have been easier in the past but if I still lived there then I would never learn anything about myself or experience new things. We learn new things every day and not all days are bad. Yes you may be different. That’s good. You learn to cherish the good times and how to keep fighting when things are tough.

– Yes, you may lose friendships along the way. That’s not your fault. That just shows you that the people you lost wasn’t really worth associating with in the first place.

Sometimes, I look at old photographs of people that I used to be friends with and I blame myself for losing the relationships. I shouldn’t do that. And neither should you. People will seem like such a major part of your life and then just disappear. Not everybody will stand by you when you’re at your lowest. They only want you when you’re at your best. People like that aren’t worthy of your time. We all have a tendency to look at the past with rose tinted glasses. Everything happens for a reason. You haven’t pushed anybody away. If somebody wants to stick by you then they will. No matter what.

– There may be days where you don’t leave your bed and there may be days where you feel perfectly fine. That’s okay. Take baby steps. You will eventually get there.

After losing my job, I pretty much gave up with life. I hardly left my bed- my skin broke out terribly and I put on 2 stone. I still despise myself for letting myself go like that. There are days where I can look at myself in the mirror and call myself a fat ugly pig. What a poisonous way to think? But then I think about the times that i’ve managed to get up,get dressed and do my make up after battling with my brain telling me not to.. and i’m really effing proud of myself. You will slowly start taking steps to become stronger. It won’t come overnight, but you will get there. And so will I.

Depression is a battle but it’s also a really important journey for the soul. Not everybody is dealt the same cards in life, we have to ride with what we’ve got. Depression will never disappear. It’s a part of you. But you can eventually learn to hold it’s hand and have a good relationship with it. It just takes time.

There may be different reasons and experiences that have led you to feel this way but we are all united and please know that whatever your circumstances are.. you are beautiful and you are loved.

To my teenage self

Hello 16 year old me. I have a few things that I wish I could tell you.

Don’t worry so much about looking cool. Nobody will remember in a few years’ time anyway. Experiment with trends, friendships and hobbies whilst you can. Try everything.

Appreciate how easy life is when you’re in education, because being an adult is shitty and stressful. Don’t constantly wish to be older. It’s not as fun as it looks. Don’t get me wrong, it has its advantages and it’s wonderful to make new experiences but having no pressures is good too.

Your loved ones won’t always be around, so instead of spending time with friends that you’ll probably never see again when you leave school/college, spend more of your weekends with your family and creating memories. You’ll wish you had when you’re older.

Most of your friends will end up drifting away but that’s fine. It’s not about quantity of friends. It’s about quality.

Money doesn’t grow on trees. I know, right? Can you believe it?! Appreciate it more.

You are going to get your heart broken more than once and each time, it will feel different. Don’t let that stop you from loving others and sharing your heart. Just be mindful of who you trust, because not everybody is genuine.

Don’t try that cigarette.

People will let you down a lot. You will be disappointed and confused but you will also create some amazing experiences. Don’t be disheartened.

Your mum isn’t against you. She is on your side. 

Don’t rush into Sex. You have plenty of years to get into all of that.

People who laugh at you or bitch about you are intimidated by you. Laugh at them back.

Everything might feel like the end of the world, but this is just the beginning of your life. 

Stay active and healthy. 

Don’t change the way you look or act for a boy. Trust me, they really aren’t worth it and they never mature.

Don’t allow life to take away your confidence and passion. Stay true to yourself and keep hold of who you are.

The Key to Happiness

Staying positive and happy isn’t always the easiest thing to do with the stress of everyday life. Whether you suffer with depression or just sometimes have a bad day, everybody needs something to remind them of the good things in life. So I asked around to see what makes other people happy and using their answers, i’m going to write the ultimate ‘ways to stay happy’ list.

1.MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY- You’ll be surprised what a difference making somebody smile can make to your day. Help others.  Share the positive vibes and positive things will come back to you. 
2.DO WHAT YOU LOVE- If there is something that you love to do then do it! If you don’t like your job, change it. If you love to sing, sing loud. If you want to dance, dance. It may not always be logical to leave your job to become an astronaut or pop star but still give yourself the time and opportunity to put your passion into what you enjoy. Even if it is just a hobby. Otherwise, what’s the point?

3.DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK- This is one of my favourite answers. I promise you now, that you will feel so much better when you stop caring about what other people think of you. It’s okay to be silly. It’s okay to do things or wear things that other people don’t understand. You are you. Love yourself enough for any other peoples opinions to be irrelevant. 


5.MAKE MEMORIES AND TAKE PICTURES – When you’re older you will look back on your life and will cherish the days that you live in now. Make them worth it. 

6.SPEND TIME OUTSIDE- Nothing beats fresh air. Go outside and take in a big deep breath. Look at the sky. Go for a walk. Sit near water or under a tree. Nature is a powerful and beautiful thing. 

7.READ A GOOD BOOK- Find a book that takes you to a different world. Find something that you want to read again and again. Let yourself live inside of the pages and enjoy every second of it.

8.WORK HARD AND FOCUS- Life can sometimes feel a bit repetitive. It can feel like you’re going round in circles and never actually getting anywhere. Always give yourself a goal to work towards to keep you motivated. It can be anything from tidying up your space, aiming towards a promotion at a work to travelling the world. Work hard and see good results

9.EAT WELL- Being a major foodie myself, I related to the food answer a lot. It’s important to enjoy what you eat, but try to have a balanced diet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying never eat a takeaway or treat again but try to chuck in a bit of fruit and veg when you can. It might not seem like this can affect your mood but it totally can!

10.NO PHONE- It’s okay to just live in the moment sometimes. Living in a society where social media and internet is available basically anywhere, we sometimes become a bit obsessed and forget to just live. Turn your phone off for an afternoon and embrace real life. 

11.LAUGH AT YOURSELF- Try not to take yourself too seriously. It can sometimes be difficult but learn to find the humour in things. It helps. You’re only here after once after all.

12.SPEND TIME WITH YOUR LOVED ONES- You may think that i’m stating the obvious but sometimes it’s easy to shut off when you don’t feel in the best frame of mind. Appreciate the people who you love you and know that they will love and support you unconditionally. Even if you feel like you’re all alone, there is always somebody who cares. 

13. LEARN NEW THINGS- Learning is beautiful. Study something new. Learn about a stranger at the bus stop. Learn about places or history. Just find something and allow your mind to explore every aspect. You’ll be surprised at how much you enjoy it. 

14. LIGHT A FEW CANDLES- Candles are calming and they smell good. Winning. 

15. LISTEN TO LOTS OF MUSIC- Music is one of the most influential things on our moods and life. Blast some music loud and allow the beat to flow around your body. Feel the lyrics and be a part of it.

Remember, you are alive and breathing. That is amazing and beautiful. There are thousands of people out there taking their last breath at every moment.. Never give up and always know that you are doing so much better than you probably think you are.