After some self-reflection and giving myself a moment to just be still, I’ve discovered a few things about the journey of moving on and being single. Hope you take something from this too.
MOVING ON DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN MEETING SOMEBODY NEW
I was under the impression that to move on properly from my ex, I needed to go and jump into another relationship as quickly as possible. So, for around 6 months, I was literally obsessed with talking to as many different men and practically assessing if somebody was relationship material from the moment that I met them. As you can imagine, this definitely didn’t work. I was becoming so emotional and couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. I kept telling myself ‘I just want a boyfriend’.. And although this might seem like common sense that this isn’t healthy, I genuinely did think like this for a long time. And in my head, it seemed logical.
But then I had to meet up with my ex to get the rest of my belongings from the flat that we lived in together. I didn’t know what to expect when I saw him but I surprisingly dealt with it well. It was weird because it was the final thing that was holding us together and I knew that I couldn’t cling onto it anymore. It took me over 8 months to collect them. But as I drove away from him, it was like something clicked. For the first time, it was like I understood that
YOU HAVE TO HEAL
You have to give yourself time to heal and go through the stages of that. And here’s the thing. You can be over somebody and not think about them at all, but it doesn’t mean that you’re fully healed from that situation. Spiritually, your soul needs to decide when it’s the right time for you to meet somebody else. And you will know when it’s right because you won’t feel desperation or making the decision out of loneliness. You will be deciding that because somebody has come into your life that benefits you and you weren’t even looking for them. But In the mean time you have to
DISCOVER YOURSELF AND DO YOUR OWN THING
I know this sounds so cliché but self-growth and progression is the key. A few amazing examples on how to do this:
- GET TO KNOW YOUR BODY- Your body is your home and you should cherish it. Exercise, treat it well, understand its needs and work with it to make you feel confident, awake and rejuvenated.
- GET A HOBBY- This doesn’t mean going out and getting drunk. This means doing something that actually benefits your soul and your inner being. Things like sports, art, music, cooking, designing, reading, films, creating etc. For me, writing saved me. I’m using it to constantly discover more about myself. What is your thing? Keep searching and experimenting until you find that spark.
- VOLUNTEER/GIVE BACK- It makes you feel good and allows you to focus on purity rather than the ego. Another great way to keep your mind active and share beautiful light and intention with the universe.
- HAVE BLOODY FUN- Being single is all about having fun and creating friendships that last forever. Make the most of it and be happy with that. You will discover more about yourself when you’re smiling.
- MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES- Enjoy the decisions that you make and own them. Don’t allow anyone to judge you for the things that you want to do. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or anybody in the process, do whatever the fuck you like!
- DON’T SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST
- DO BE FUSSY AND BE PICKY
- DON’T BE WALKED ALL OVER
- DO GAIN KNOWLEDGE WHILST ALONE
- DO LOVE YOURSELF
You are exactly where you are meant to be right now.
Love this beautiful process and journey.
You can save yourself. You can change yourself and your life for the better by remembering a few small things.
1. The world never changes, it’s just you and your thoughts. Everything is still as wonderful as when you were a child, I promise.
2. The people around you can have a strong impact on your mindset. So choose wisely!
3. You really, genuinely are loved. Even when you think that you aren’t.
4. The way that people portray themselves on social media, isn’t always the truth. Nobody is having a better time than you.
5. The bad thoughts that you think about yourself aren’t true.
6. To be confident in every day life, you have to feel relaxed and content within yourself by placing yourself in positive situations.
7. It’s important to be around like minded people.
8. Being helpful and kind is always healing for the soul.
9. The choices that you make and the places that you go to will build you into the person that you are. Consider this.
10. Positive thoughts= Positive attraction
11. You are still the person that you wish that you once was.
12. You can box up past events and place them to the back of your mind.
13. The future is full of excitement and opportunity.
14. The present is to be cherished and appreciated. It truly is a gift.
15. No situation is a big deal. It’s the over thinking that makes it one.
16. Happiness is something that you create. So, it’s only you who can make you feel happy or sad.
17. Creativity is healing.
18. Nature is healing. And so is being outside.
19. Being genuine and honest is everything.
20. Water is good for you.
21. Exercising helps stimulate your brain and ideas.
22. Reading opens your imagination and allows you to think outside the box.
23. Complimenting others makes you feel good.
24. You should be proud of who you are.
25. Upbeat music is the key to a good mood.
26. If you are passionate about something, do it every day. That is how you become successful.
27. Confrontation fixes no problems.
28. Smoking, drugs and alcohol are toxic and attract toxic situations and thoughts.
29. You will feel more positive in life when you learn to accept to be comfortable in your own skin.
30. Laughter is the best medicine. Positive laughter, not laughter at others expense.
31. A tidy space= a tidy mind.
I’ll leave you with a late night thought I had.
There is no start, no end.
Just mere satisfaction that the process lasts forever.
The journey is everything.
The journey never ends.
Regardless of circumstances, love will always win.
Love lasts forever.
It always finds you.
And it always keeps the journey alive.
So when all hope is lost, know that love will find you.
It will find you and enter your heart again.
Just open your soul and believe in the love around you.
Close your eyes and listen to the love.
It has always been there- it never left you.
For so long now, I have allowed myself to feel trapped and alone. I have happily welcomed these negative thoughts and emotions into my soul and been consumed by not feeling good enough. I constantly feel let down, used and under appreciated. It hurts feeling like nobody cares about you. It hurts feeling like you’re a burden on people. But, my self pity party stops today.
I think that we all feel lonely to a certain degree. Especially if you’re somebody that cares and gives a lot of emotional support to others. It’s like you put everything that you have into the people around you but then end up with nothing for yourself. I’ve learned that realistically, not many people will give out the same emotional treatment that you do so why put yourself through the pain and heartache?
People will constantly disappoint you. People will constantly let you down. I’m not saying this in a negative or morbid way but it’s a fact of life. Not many people will have your back and be there for you when you need them the most. Which is why you need to make sure that you are there for yourself, giving yourself the love and respect that you deserve.
Don’t put yourself down and tell yourself that you have nobody when you feel lonely. Because the likelihood is, there is somebody that loves and cares about you but you just can’t see that right now. Big yourself up and be kind to yourself. Think positive thoughts and remind yourself that if you try to remain in a positive cycle of thoughts, good things will eventually come to you and this feeling will disappear. Good people and opportunities will come into your life. It will happen.
There are going to be times when you have nobody there for you and yes, they are the shittiest times of all. But, they are the most important. Because this is when we learn about ourselves and teach ourselves to find the inner strength to fight through the heartache of despair and being alone.
Don’t envy what other people have. Don’t log onto social media and look at what everybody else is doing whilst you are alone. Don’t be fooled into thinking that everybody else is living a perfect life. They aren’t. We all go through it.
Just know that this feeling is teaching you a lesson. I know it seems like a pointless lesson. I think that to myself most days. I think ‘Why can’t I have more good people around me who care?’ BUT then I remember that I have my family and i’m lucky for that. It may not be my whole family, but the ones who matter the most, will never leave my side.
So, keep pushing the positive thoughts out of your soul even when it feels like all hope is lost. I know it’s not easy and it may take a bit of time but the more positive you feel, the more content you’ll be with your own company. And once you’re more content with your own company, more opportunities will present themselves to you without you even realising it, I promise.
I don’t know about you, but I am probably one of the world’s worst daters. When I get complimented my natural reaction is to pull a double chin face and start snorting. Not attractive, I know. I also have the tendency to not believe a word that comes out of another mans mouth but I think this is because I’ve just ended up with liars in the past. I’m also EXTREMELY fussy. It’s like I don’t want a man to be cringey but then I don’t want them to be a typical lad who makes sexual references 24/7 because it’s boring and not funny in the slightest. I also get bored of talking to somebody very quickly and chuck having depression and anxiety in the mix and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster. However, I didn’t want to make this about dating with a mental health illness as I find that we can all struggle with the dating scene so here I am with a few (hopefully, kind of) good pieces of advice.
I think that there’s some sort of thing in dating that makes you feel like you have to lie and act like somebody you’re not when you first start dating. I mean, obviously you have to make good impressions and not go full psycho straight away (haha), but it can be too easy to get stuck into acting like somebody that you’re not to suit the other persons needs. It’s like walking on eggshells and questioning what you can and can’t say. Way too often, you can fall into the trap of analysing everything that you say before you send a message or over thinking what to look and act like. Yes, we want to impress but we don’t want to create this false perception of ourselves. Just be honest with who you are and what you want to say. If somebody likes you then they won’t even question it. Don’t get caught up in playing games either, just be honest with your intentions and feelings and then nobody can get hurt. If somebody doesn’t want to stick around then that’s their loss!
DON’T RUSH THE SEX
Don’t have sex with somebody before you get to know them well enough. You might think that somebody is the right one for you but if you don’t know them on a strong personal level then you’re more than likely going to end up regretting your decisions. If you want to have fun then by all means, sleep with somebody! But if you want a relationship built on a sense of respect and trust, wait for sex. It not only intensifies the emotions when you do have it, but it shows that you are worth the wait and not easy. If you want to be in a relationship and are actively looking yet you’re constantly encountering people that are making sexual references and remarks, they aren’t the right one for you. You deserve better.
If you’re feeling alone and you keep going back to that person you’ve been dating who doesn’t really do it for you but fills the time- cut them out! I get how it feels when you want to have that companionship and company but whilst your wasting time with this person, you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to grow and meet the right person. Be okay with being alone rather than being with the wrong person. Wait for that person who sparks a fire in your soul. Who interests you and makes you want to know more. That’s what you need to wait for.
PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE
Okay, so this is where i’m being a major hypocrite. My anxiety always massively kicks in when i’m talking to somebody and I always end up running away from the situation of a date because it makes me cringe so badly! However, the truth of the matter is you and I need to get over the fear of putting ourselves out there. Don’t be feared of rejection either. Just look at it as two friends meeting up. I always find that it’s more helpful if you have been speaking to the person quite a while before hand as you know each other well enough to know your sense of humours and personality then.
TRY NOT TO PRE JUDGE
Yes, I am also massively guilty of this. I judge what somebody is going to be like based on past relationships and experiences and then I end up ruining good situations for myself because I’ve created situations and spoke myself up into believing that the person I’m speaking to is going to hurt me. Thus, making me go into self defence mode and just creating a drama and shit situation. So yeah, try not to assume and get to know that person individually. It’s also good to go for people who you wouldn’t normally go for. Because that might be what you need. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box a bit.
It can feel like you’re going to be alone forever sometimes but that really isn’t the case. Don’t try to force things to happen too much! Know that must people come along when you aren’t looking for them. Don’t be too pushy on somebody as this can come across as unattractive. However, don’t push yourself so far away from people because you’re afraid. Neither are healthy! Just enjoy the process of getting to know people and know that your time will come. When you meet the right person, you won’t even have to think about anything. It will all come naturally.
So there you go guys. I hope this has helped you in one way or another. Happy dating. Keep being a boss.
If you had 15 minutes left of your life, how would you spend it?
Just 15 minutes.
Would you step outside and appreciate the air that you breathe? The trees, the grass, the clouds above you? Would you thank them?
Would you still hold onto the grudges that you have over silly arguments? Or would you reach out to the people that you love and tell them how much they mean to you?
Would you make that decision you’ve been thinking about for years? Would you take that risk?
What moments would you remember? What are the things that would stick out to you?
Would you have wished that you deleted negativity out of your life sooner?
What would you regret?
What changes would you make and how would you spend your final seconds?
You still have the chance to make your life and moments special. Make memories, take risks and live with kindness and love in your heart. Never be afraid to make a change. Because you never know when it’s going to be your 15 minutes.