Thought of the week

The media feeds us a false perception of what we should look like, and if we don’t start becoming strong enough to ignore the pressure then we will destroy ourselves with never feeling good enough. 

The images that you see on social media, on TV, or in the magazine, are not real. 

The images that make you feel shit about yourself and want to change how you look are not real.

We’re all partly to blame. We get sucked into the egotistical world of wanting to look good enough. We want to be approved by others because we can’t approve of ourselves. So we post images that don’t represent who we truly are and we make our insecurities worse by falling into the medias shitty, false, lying, manipulative hands. Fuck filters. Fuck airbrushing. 

And do you know what else isn’t real? that feeling you get when you walk past somebody and you wished you looked like them. That’s a person who feels the same as you. A person who is trying to change themselves because they don’t feel good enough. We’re so quick to hate ourselves and we’re all giving ourselves a hard time so we never have the moment to feel genuinely beautiful.

But IT’S ALL LIES. Our insecurities are telling us lies. 

The sooner we start to realise that we are fucking beautiful and enough exactly as we are, the better.

We can put our heads up and own every bit of skin that we’re in without feeling ashamed. We don’t need to change a thing about ourselves. When are we going to start realising that??

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You will get your dream & you will succeed

It’s okay to battle with your dreams and goals. There is nothing wrong with having an authentic, difficult and genuine relationship with what you’re passionate about.

I know that we are always fed the “rags to riches” story.  The “luck” story. The “I had a dream when I was younger and my determination has got me to where I am today” story. But don’t drown in the fairytale story of other peoples success. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is to compare our visions to others.

We believe that it should be easy. That we should be in love with our dreams and never give up. Yes, to succeed, we can’t give up, but who said that we can’t have fall backs? Who said that we can’t fall in and out of love with what we want to achieve? That we can’t lose faith in the end goal sometimes?

We would be naive to hear other peoples stories and believe that they have had a smooth and easy process. This is why we need to be more realistic with ourselves and others about what we are doing. We should talk about our struggles. The bad days matter too.

There are times when it feels like it’s easier to just give up on your dream. Trust me, I know. I’ve been there a thousand times before. I know that I have days where I give up on what I love. I feel angry that I haven’t got to where I want to be. I give up on the blog, my writing, my creativity. I give up on myself and everything. I don’t try for months. I feel worthless and not good enough to succeed. And that’s okay and not something i’m ashamed of. I don’t always work as hard as what I should do but that doesn’t mean that I have any less of a dream. It just means that life and darkness gets in the way. 

But then I have the good days. The days where I feel the tingle run through my body when I get an idea and I’m discussing it with somebody else. The rush that I get when I’m creating and doing something that I love, when time just passes by and I don’t even realise. The feeling of fulfilment when I’ve made somebody feel something through my writing or provoked a thought. The emotional expression and feeling of release after a project.

When I’m having a good day, the vision of where I can take my work is unstoppable. The light that beams inside of me is something that can’t be replaced. That’s the passion. The dream.

If you have that spark inside of you, you will make it. No matter how long it takes, you will get there. But know that it’s okay to struggle sometimes. Not everyday is going to feel like a dream. Some days, it might feel like a nightmare. But if you are born to do something, then you will make it. You will find your dream searching for you too, and all of them hard days will be worth it.

Thought of the week

Nothing in life is guaranteed and none of us know what tomorrow might bring, so make the most of every ‘today’.

Smile more and spend time with the people that treat you right.

Love with every single part of your soul with no regrets or doubts.

Stop being so afraid of what could go wrong and dive into every adventure with your eyes wide shut. 

Be brave, be kind and most importantly,

Be happy. 

Dear the page that I write on…

Hello page, my dearly beloved friend. I’ve abandoned you for a while and i’m sorry for that. I know that the pen has dust on it. I can’t remember the last time I picked it up, and for that, I am regretful. 

How have you been?

I’m writing because I have a secret to tell you. My pain and insecurities grab me by the throat sometimes and strangle me until I beg for breath. They torture me and tell me lies. 

They told me that our relationship will never make it. That we can’t speak to each other anymore. And for a while, I listened to them. I listened to the poison that they fed me through every whisper. They made me believe that there was nothing that I could say to you that would make me feel better. That me and you were done. I tried to come back to you so many times because I missed you, but I was convinced that there was no getting past the barrier of meeting with you again. That there was nothing more to be said. But oh, how I was wrong.

I think that i’m beginning to realise that no matter what happens, you run through my bloodstream. I will fight any battle to make sure that I am with you again. You understand me in a way that I don’t even understand myself. You are the mirror that I look into and walk away from regaining strength and wisdom. You are my first love, from the age of 3. You have moulded me into who I am. You have taught me patience, determination, pain, my sense of humour, my imagination, my passions, my likes, my dislikes, my integrity. You remind me that it’s okay to have an opinion and to be who I want to be. That regardless of stigma or stereotypes, it’s okay to be myself.

I can tell you anything.

So I know that I left you. And I can’t promise that i’ll never leave again. But I can promise you that I will always come back… I’ll come back to the window of the warm coffee shop whilst rain trickles on the glass. I’ll come back for the romantic couple that fall in love when their eyes meet and the for the heartbroken. I’ll come back for the mental health thoughts that fill brains with fear and I’ll come back for the grieving. I’ll come back for the elderly who are reminiscing their youth and for the people that don’t quite fit in. I’ll come back for the sunrise and the trees dancing in the wind. I’ll come back for the breeze blowing somebodies hair through an open car window and for the taste of one last kiss. 

I will always greet storylines with grace and decorum and bring them into the centre of your palm, somehow. Because that’s what we do. We make magic and nothing can ever stop that. 

Thought of the week

“When you’re constantly putting other people first, you begin to forget about your own happiness. You forget how it feels to walk outside and feel the fresh air past brush your face. You forget to speak about how you feel because you’re so used to everybody else’s shit and having to be the shoulder to cry on. You listen to what people have to say and you nod politely when deep down you’re drained of it all. Deep down, you want to have a break. And although it feels good to help people now and again, your energy is slowly sucked away from you until you’ve left with nothing.

Don’t be other people’s emotional garbage can.

Notice the difference between people who use you by dumping their emotions on you and the people who care about how you feel too.”

Advice us girls in our 20’s should take

1. Embrace the journey of self discovery.  

Discovering who we are as young women is exciting! It can sometimes feel like we have to rush the process of knowing exactly who we are and what we want out of life, but actually, the journey of finding ourselves should be celebrated and enjoyed.

2. Never be afraid of cutting toxic people out of your life. 

People change. Life changes, And sometimes, we realise that we deserve better than what the people around us are giving us. It can feel lonely when we decide to cut people off, but remember that doing this leaves room for the right people to come into our lives.

3. Eat that donut and don’t feel guilty for it. 

Let’s eat it with a smile on our face and enjoy every bite. There’s enough shit going on in the world, so let’s just do it. (But obviously not too many donuts so we have to roll through the door).

4. Laugh until you can’t breathe. 

5. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

Fuck what other people are doing. We are doing great and our life journey is completely unique and special. We need to try not to get caught up in putting too much pressure on ourselves by comparing other people’s lives to our own.

6. Sometimes take a break from social media and just ‘do you boo’.

We all need some ‘me time’ sometimes, and social media can be the devil when we aren’t feeling great. So remember that the internet isn’t always real and to spend time away too. 

7.  Don’t have regrets. Only look forward, 

Tomorrow is a new day and everything happens for a reason. So don’t look back. 

8. Never let anybody tell you that you can’t achieve your dreams.

One day all of the hard work will pay off. Prove the haters wrong.

9. Now and again, turn the TV off and read a good book. Let the story take you to another world.  

10. Be brave. Speak your truth and stand up for what you believe in. 

As young women, we should be proud of our beliefs and opinions. If there is something that we feel needs to be said, we should speak out. Even if our voice shakes.

11. Never stop trying to learn new things. 

12. Experiment! If you can’t do it in your 20’s then when can you do it?!

13. Don’t let others intimidate you because you’re younger/older than them. 

We are boss ass bitches who can hold ourselves in a respectful ,confident and graceful manner in any situation. 

14. Focus on having a good time rather than how you look doing it. 

Because when we’re older, we aren’t going to be thinking of what clothes we were wearing, or what make up we had on when we look back at a memory. We are going to be thinking of the feeling that it gave us. In the end, that’s all that really matters. 

15. Don’t let men take advantage of you. Be with a man who treats you like a Queen. 

We deserve to be treated how we treat others. We deserve the world. 

16. Learn to fall in love with yourself.

We are the only ones who can give ourselves true unconditional happiness by loving ourselves. 

17. Don’t take people for granted. 

18. Never apologise for how you feel. 

19. It’s never too late.

20. Don’t rush. Take the pressure off yourself and just enjoy right now. 

Whatever stage you’re at in your life is absolutely fine. Don’t rush ahead. Know that everything is okay just the way that it is.

There is so much time. Don’t waste it worrying. 

 

 

Is love island destroying teens mental health?

So it’s that time of year again! One of the biggest shows on ITV2 is midway through its fourth season, breaking records and reeling in over 3.4 million views for the launch.

There is no denying that most of us can’t help but love the endless amounts of drama, the lingering sound of somebody shouting “I’VE GOT A TEXT” and watching every element of a romantic relationship grow, but in the back of our heads, we know that this is a reality TV show. We know to take some things with a pinch of salt. Well, we should do anyway.

What needs to be considered though, is if teenagers really view this the same. At such a vital point in their life, do they understand that not all young adults have to behave or look like the people on the show? Does the show teach the correct morals and values to have in a happy, secure relationship? Does this actually change teenagers perception on love? Basically, is love island creating a false sense of reality and an aspiration for teenagers that is just impossible for them to ever reach? Is the generation of social media and reality stars causing deeper mental health issues for the youth of today? My answer is yes. Don’t get me wrong, I think that love island is a great dramatised television programme. But the way in which it’s portrayed to be a reality show (despite the whole thing being constructed) will eventually lead to the downfall in teens mental health and wellbeing. We need to make the changes and discuss these things, before it’s too late.

BODY IMAGE

A worrying aspect of this show is that only one type of body image is shown.

Firstly, let’s discuss the women. Many of the girls who are on this show have had cosmetic surgery and procedures to make them look a particular way. Instead of promoting natural looks and embracing who we are, this show promotes one type of body with no imperfections which is again unrealistic for a lot of teenagers out there. The pressure that young girls could potentially put on themselves to look like these women has to be addressed. These women have flawless skin and no cellulite/scars or any imperfections when in a bikini. All of the things that are a part of being a natural woman seem to disappear on this show. Whether this is done by video editing, or only choosing to cast women who look airbrushed, it’s not realistic and can potentially lead to body dysmorphia and other anxieties and insecurities. When a girl is going through puberty, their body is going to change. But younger girls who watch this show may not understand this and it could lead to younger depression and anxiety as none of this is discussed or shown. Most women have imperfections, so why are women like this not cast on the show?

Side note: I am fully aware that the beauty/TV/advertising industry has to promote a certain kind of look. And I know that it has been around for years. But I am commenting on the way in which it’s changing. It almost seems more sinister. More subtle and pressurised for younger people.

Now, the men. Again, they all seem to look very similar. They walk around all day with their tops off and many of them have tattoos and a certain type of frame. A lot of them have also had procedures to their teeth, and who knows what else? Men have imperfections and scars, just the same way that women do. But this isn’t shown. So a young boy watching this programme could end up obsessing over looking a particular way that might not ever be achievable for them. This leads on nicely to:

SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR

Is it normal to walk around all day in a bikini or swimming shorts? No. But does this potentially make young girls and boys feel like they have to show a lot of their body or dress in a particular way to get attention in day to day life? Absolutely.  Many of these men walk into the villa and discuss how beautiful the women are. So a young girl watching this, could potentially think that you have to show everything and look that way to get approval from men. Also, the way that the men and women speak to each other and argue seems to play a big role in this series. Younger people will strive to act like these cast members. Is this really the way that we want our children to behave? Don’t get me wrong, some of the cast members are good role models. But the show as a whole, doesn’t do enough to show genuine behaviour. It’s distorted and can be brainwashing to the younger generation who believe that this is real. They could potentially believe that this is the way that you have to be when you grow up. When these cast members meet each other, they share a bed straight away as if it’s normal. When it isn’t. This leads on to:

RELATIONSHIPS

How are young boys and girls going to view love and relationships with influences such as this show? A young girl could watch this show and think that it’s okay to share a bed with a stranger. To think that it’s the norm. A young boy can also watch this and think the same. Could both boys and girls lose their confidence and think that they aren’t worthy of a relationship like the ones they see on the television? I know that this can all sound a bit far fetched and dramatic, but when you look at the effects that it can have on younger people, it makes you wonder about the world that they are growing up in.

Is depression and anxiety going to increase in younger people as they feel like they can never achieve a relationship or lifestyle they have almost been forced to believe is true? Will it all take its toll in the end because there isn’t enough education about ‘reality’ tv and how it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s real life? I think that without these kind of discussions with younger people, it will get worse. Growing from a child to a teenager is one of the most important stages of life as it forms you into the person that you are. It needs to be spoken about more.

Are we raising a generation mentally set up to fail?

 

 

 

 

Fighting negative thoughts

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Unfortunately, there might be times in your life where you feel like you can’t seem to shake away your negative thoughts. But it’s important to remember that it won’t last forever and you can always fight back no matter what. You will get there in the end.

“I wish I was the person that I was a few years ago. I’ve changed.”

I’m so guilty of feeling this way. I tell myself that I want to go back to being care free, before the Depression and Anxiety. Yes we all change, but why would we want to go backwards? The whole point of living is to grow and go on a journey. Looking back on the past with rose tinted glasses is something that we all tend to do way too much. You may be different now but that is exactly what is supposed to happen. That’s good! It shows that you’re actually progressing! Change is the only thing in life that is consistent. It can be hard to deal with but it’s inevitable and needs to be embraced and appreciated for the lessons that it has taught you. Be proud of your battles and your journey. Always look forward; we’re not supposed to go backwards.

“I’ve lost relationships with family and friends along the way. It must be my fault”

Yes, you will lose friendships that you thought were going to last forever. Yes, you will lose relationships with lovers that you thought would never end. All of this is okay. Never blame yourself or think that it’s all your fault that a relationship has ended. Not everybody will stand by you when you’re at your lowest. A lot of people only want the best version of you. Just remember that you haven’t pushed anybody away. If somebody wants to stick by you then they will no matter what. People that don’t check to see how you’re doing or flutter in and out of your life when it suits them are not worthy of your time. Outgrowing people is completely natural so trust that the universe will guide you to the relationships that you are supposed to have in your life.

“I sometimes dread meeting people or having conversations, due to the fear of having to socialize for too long”

If you suffer with harsh anxiety, socializing can sometimes feel excruciating. However, the good thing is that you’re not the only person who feels like it. The truth is, it can be daunting socializing if you’re not feeling 100% but it’s something that is unavoidable in day to day living. The most important thing is that you don’t distance yourself from situations because it will only make you feel worse when you eventually have to socialize. The key is to remain calm and not to make plans too far in advance, because otherwise you have too much time to think about it and what could go wrong. I always find it a lot easier to arrange something last minute, as you then don’t give yourself enough time to sit and worry or talk yourself out of it. However, don’t arrange to meet somebody who isn’t particularly positive towards you or makes you feel uncomfortable because you’re bound to go straight into a panic or ‘low’ mode during or after you have seen them. I tend to find that I’m less anxious when I’m talking about something that I’m interested in because I forget all of the worries that I feel ‘should’ be in my head at the time. So overall, surround yourself with like minded people who are engaged in conversation, are interested in what you have to say and won’t judge you if you begin to feel anxious or emotional.  Also, laughing helps. Be with people who make you laugh.

“People don’t like me and think that I’m weird”

I genuinely believe that society has molded us into believing that we should act, think and look a certain way. It can put so much pressure on us, that we all end up having worries at some point in our lives of being judged. With anxiety, that is magnified and zoomed in which makes things 100 times worse. You end up convincing yourself that you’re weird or abnormal because of the thoughts in your head but that is not true. It can seem as if people can see inside of your head and know what’s going on which generates more worry and fear of judgement. I just want to let you know, that nobody thinks you’re weird or crazy, nor can they read minds. There is also no such thing as ‘weird’. You are who you are. Most people are feeling the same way that you do and are going through the same thought processes themselves. I also want to let you know that you’re not a performing monkey to suit other people’s needs; yes, some people might not like you because that’s the way that the world works, so you should never change who you are. However, half the time it’s usually just the toxic voice giving you paranoia. The people that you have around you should be constantly supporting you and reminding you that you are loved no matter how you’re feeling. If they don’t then delete them out of your life. I always used to worry that I had no friends because I began to cut toxic people out of my life, but then I realized that I would rather have little friends than ones who bring me down. It just gives you more space in your life to meet the right people.

“I’m too anxious/depressed to go outside”

The more that you tell yourself something, the truer it becomes. When you wake up and tell yourself that you’re going to have a bad day and can’t leave the house, that is exactly what will happen. Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy because we can convince ourselves to think negative thoughts before we even have them. Therefore, you have already decided the outcome of your mood and day before it’s even started. I’m not disputing how difficult it is by the way, because I’ve been there and still do go through this. There have been times where I haven’t left the bed or gone outside at all for over three weeks. You’re not going to like hearing this, but the only way that you can beat this is by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I’m not saying force yourself to go outside to a busy shopping centre or something if you haven’t left the house in months, it’s about taking baby steps. It doesn’t matter how small the action might seem, it’s just about little progressions each day. When I go through my dark phases, I will push myself to do little things. The first day, it might be just sitting in the lounge instead of my bedroom. The next day, it might be having a shower before going into the lounge. Every little step means something and you should be proud of yourself each time you progress. After that, it might be getting dressed and doing my make up after having a shower. I then might stay in the shower and lounge phase for a couple of days but I just focus on not going backwards. It’s okay to stay at one step for a little while and have little knock backs, you just have to keep getting back up and trying again until you eventually get there. If you saw somebody that you love putting themselves through what you put yourself through, you would give them some tough love right? You would want to go into their room and excuse my French, give them the kick up the arse that they need. Sometimes we need to be cruel to ourselves to be kind and as you probably know, nothing is that bad when you push past the barrier. When I do eventually end up going outside, even if it’s just for a little walk, I feel so much better within myself and you will too. Be patient and kind to yourself.

“I’m not good enough”

Don’t fall into the trap of telling yourself that you’re not good enough. The only thing that separates every single one of us is DNA. We all breathe the same air; we all live on the same planet and therefore we are all equal and as good as each other. The difference between somebody who is confident and somebody who isn’t is the belief that they have in themselves. If you constantly tell yourself that you’re not worthy or good enough to do something, then you will sub consciously walk into situations as a failure before you have even begun. It’s all about changing your thought processes so you wake up in the morning feeling energized and confident with who you are. There are a variety of reasons you might not feel good enough, but don’t worry. Just take one step at a time.

“I feel like ending my life”

Having this thought is nothing to be ashamed of. Many people go through phases in their life when they feel like they’ve lost sight of who they are and why there are here. It isn’t shameful to admit that sometimes we need somebody to talk to and to help us get back on the right path. I have had these thoughts and I felt like they would never disappear. The important thing to remember, is that these thoughts will always pass and you won’t feel like this forever. You can try talking to somebody to help you get a different fresh perspective on life but I understand that it may not be easy to say this out loud. If this is the case, when you have these thoughts it can be productive and helpful to make a list on how you are going to make positive changes for your future. When writing this list, think of everything that has previously upset you and made you happy and review how you can have goals to ensure that you make your life more positive.

Ultimate girls night in films from the 00’s

Feeling a bit down? Grab some popcorn, your duvet, a cosy pair of pj’s and few girl friends (or just yourself) and indulge in some of these nostalgic feel good chick flicks. The perfect cheer up remedy. Here are my top 20 picks.

1. Mean girls- Because what girl from our generation doesn’t know all of the quotes from this film? And let’s be honest, we’ve all watched it at least 20 times. So fetch.

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2.  John Tucker Must Die– Because girl power and friendship matters. Men need to be shown who’s boss. And because “don’t get mad, get even.”

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3. A Cinderella Story- Because Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray are in it. If you know, you know. LITERALLY GOALS. Hillary Duff was life. I still don’t get how Austin Ames didn’t figure out it was her under that mask though..

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4. Matilda- It’s just one of them films that never gets old. Is it weird that Miss Trunchball still scares me now when I watch it? And I kind of look like her when i’ve been sweating out at the gym…

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5. The Notebook- My heart literally hurts every time I watch it. In a good way though. It’s so romantic and we all want that type of relationship don’t we girls? Ryan Gosling, please marry me.

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6. Bring it On (all or nothing)-  The cheer songs are still sassy AF and make you wanna have a dance off. Plus, the story of true friendship is heartwarming. I do still wish I looked like Hayden Panettiere in the cheerleaders outfit though. Boo hoo. 

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7. Dream girls- Ultimate sing along. Who hasn’t belted out the ballads from this film at least once?! Plus Beyoncé and Jenifer Hudson are literally diva goals. **AND I AM TELLING YOUUU, I’M NOT GOIIINGGG**

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8. She’s the Man- I was introduced to this film at university and I’ve never looked back. Heart warming and funny. Amanda Seyfried is the one!

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9. Legally Blonde- We all routed for Elle woods. You go girl. This gave all of us hope to chase our dreams.

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10. The Princess Diaries- Another feel good classic. Because princesses can just be normal girls.

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11. High School Musical- Troy Bolton was every young girls fantasy. Sharpay was a bitch but we still loved her by the end of every film. Chad’s hair was unreal. Gabriella was goals. I don’t know about you, but I think I used to make my mum’s ears burn with how many times I replayed the songs. This film is bound to cheer you up.  It doesn’t matter what your age is. Once a wildcat, always a wildcat. 

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12. Grease- Because we all need a bit of that sassy Sandy at the end of the movie to motivate us now and again. But on a serious note, I don’t think I could pull off her hair like she did if I’m honest.

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13. Cheaper By The Dozen- Literally family goals back in the day. I always used to say how I wanted to have 12 kids. Thinking about it now, imagine the food shopping bill each week. Not to mention the pain of it. Like, literal downstairs pain.

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14. Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging- We could all relate to Georgia’s life. Awkward and embarrassingly funny. Also, I have to say that the soundtrack for this film is powerful! So good.

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15. Wild Child- The quotes in this film are probably up there with Mean Girls. Another film that you can watch a million times and not get bored of. Welcome to Malibu Biatch. 

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16. Crossroads- Young Britney was everything. I used to watch this when I was about 12, crying to her singing “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” Bless.

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17. Hairspray- Because Zac Efron, big hair and lots of songs. Do I need to say anything else?

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18. Freaky Friday- Another film that never gets old. Reminds me of when Lindsay Lohan was in like, every teen film ever.

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19. The Last Song- COUPLE GOALS. It’s nice to go back to the Hannah Montana/Miley stage where she falls in love and everything’s cute. I want that Miley back. Booooo.

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20. Harry Potter- Okay, so it might not the girliest of films but how can you not like a binge watch of Harry Potter?! Brings Christmas vibes.

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