To my anxiety,
You have been my enemy for such a long time. You have bullied, antagonised and manipulated your way into every single situation that I find myself in. You are disgustingly talented at making me live in constant fear of you.
Why do you do this to me? Do you get a sick kick out of seeing me suffer? Do you enjoy watching me on my knees begging for you to loosen your grip thats wrapped so tightly around my neck? I bet you do.
I’m sick of you laughing at my expense when all I ever do is try and please you. Everything that I do is to try and suit YOUR needs. I consistently put you first. I’m always mindful about what you’re going to think and how you’re going to react. All I do is think about how YOU are going to feel. But what about me? When do you ever put me first?
I try and respect you. I try to be gentle and patient with you and listen to what you want, yet that still doesn’t seem to be good enough for you. You’re just never fucking satisfied unless i’m suffering and begging for breath.
You hate seeing me smile don’t you? You hate it when you see me becoming stronger because you’re a control freak. If you spot any sign of me walking away from you, you dig your claws into me whilst I bleed, pull me back, tie me up and punish me for trying to leave you.
You shout abuse at me, you try to scare me, you take away my power and try to shatter my kind and loving heart. To make things worse, people and situations sometimes prove to me that you’re right to treat me this way. Alongside other peoples actions and your overbearing hounding, I finally started to believe that I’m just not good enough. I started to believe that there was no way out of your grasp and that every day I have to live in fear of the world and the people in it to protect myself.
But here’s the thing. ..
You can try to trick me into thinking that you can protect me but I know that you’re a liar. You can try to hiss negativity into my ears but that doesn’t mean I’m going to believe everything that you’re saying .
You can try to make me crumble on the floor and you can try to ruin every good thing in my life. But now its time for you to listen to me.
Are you listening?
I am better than you and you are not going to win this war.
You can try to knock me down but I promise you that I will keep getting back up.