The ending of a relationship is devastating. Whether you had to walk away from a toxic situation or somebody has walked away from you, it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. As somebody who is currently experiencing these emotions, I want to let you know that you’re not going through this on your own.
I know it feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. I know the sick, anxious feeling that randomly comes into your body throughout the day and smacks you round the face so you can’t think of anything else but the way that you’re feeling. I know the pit of the stomach sobbing until you can’t breathe and the anger that takes over your body. I know the constant urge to want to communicate with the other person and the brave face that you have to put on when you’re fighting back the tears. I know it feels like somebody has literally died and that you’re scared of the future.
These feelings are all okay.
Please don’t feel as if you’re being dramatic or that everybody around you is perfectly happy because there are people out there who feel exactly the same as you, and they are getting through it too. Day by day.
There is going to be a way out of this and this isn’t going to last forever. You might not realise it, but just by getting up in the morning and facing the world, you are doing amazing. Know that you will cry. A lot. I literally keep bursting into tears (embarrassing i know), but of course it’s going to hurt- don’t try to fight it. Tears are good for you. They are a release. You will also get angry but don’t let it consume you. Feel the emotion, then let it pass. Don’t try to push it away because it’ll come back 10 times stronger.
Try to distract yourself and keep yourself busy with things that you like doing, but don’t be afraid of having them days or evenings alone. Try to learn to get comfortable with your own company and being by yourself, bit by bit. Have your tears, have your anger (but don’t message your ex because it never helps anything) and give yourself time to grieve the relationship. Make the effort to see your friends and go to events, but only when you’re ready to.
Try not to dwell on ‘what if’s?’ or ‘where did it all go wrong?’, because that doesn’t matter now. What matters now is your wellbeing and your future. YOU matter. You are good enough, you are beautiful and the breakdown of a relationship does not have a reflection on you alone, so don’t be harsh on yourself. Treat yourself with care and don’t try to rush into meeting anybody new. That’s not something you need to think about yet.
Remember not to be afraid to talk about how you’re feeling as well. I know that it can sometimes feel like you might be talking too much about it, or that you don’t even know how to speak about it, but the people who love you will listen to you and communicating will eventually help you feel better. You are not a burden.
The raw first part of a break up is one of the most painful things that you will have to go through, but I genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason. Hold your head high, be brave and trust in time healing your wounds.
I want to let you know that you’re doing so well and I’m sending you so much love. Things are going to get better. Hang in there.