Unfortunately, there might be times in your life where you feel like you can’t seem to shake away your negative thoughts. But it’s important to remember that it won’t last forever and you can always fight back no matter what. You will get there in the end.
“I wish I was the person that I was a few years ago. I’ve changed.”
I’m so guilty of feeling this way. I tell myself that I want to go back to being care free, before the Depression and Anxiety. Yes we all change, but why would we want to go backwards? The whole point of living is to grow and go on a journey. Looking back on the past with rose tinted glasses is something that we all tend to do way too much. You may be different now but that is exactly what is supposed to happen. That’s good! It shows that you’re actually progressing! Change is the only thing in life that is consistent. It can be hard to deal with but it’s inevitable and needs to be embraced and appreciated for the lessons that it has taught you. Be proud of your battles and your journey. Always look forward; we’re not supposed to go backwards.
“I’ve lost relationships with family and friends along the way. It must be my fault”
Yes, you will lose friendships that you thought were going to last forever. Yes, you will lose relationships with lovers that you thought would never end. All of this is okay. Never blame yourself or think that it’s all your fault that a relationship has ended. Not everybody will stand by you when you’re at your lowest. A lot of people only want the best version of you. Just remember that you haven’t pushed anybody away. If somebody wants to stick by you then they will no matter what. People that don’t check to see how you’re doing or flutter in and out of your life when it suits them are not worthy of your time. Outgrowing people is completely natural so trust that the universe will guide you to the relationships that you are supposed to have in your life.
“I sometimes dread meeting people or having conversations, due to the fear of having to socialize for too long”
If you suffer with harsh anxiety, socializing can sometimes feel excruciating. However, the good thing is that you’re not the only person who feels like it. The truth is, it can be daunting socializing if you’re not feeling 100% but it’s something that is unavoidable in day to day living. The most important thing is that you don’t distance yourself from situations because it will only make you feel worse when you eventually have to socialize. The key is to remain calm and not to make plans too far in advance, because otherwise you have too much time to think about it and what could go wrong. I always find it a lot easier to arrange something last minute, as you then don’t give yourself enough time to sit and worry or talk yourself out of it. However, don’t arrange to meet somebody who isn’t particularly positive towards you or makes you feel uncomfortable because you’re bound to go straight into a panic or ‘low’ mode during or after you have seen them. I tend to find that I’m less anxious when I’m talking about something that I’m interested in because I forget all of the worries that I feel ‘should’ be in my head at the time. So overall, surround yourself with like minded people who are engaged in conversation, are interested in what you have to say and won’t judge you if you begin to feel anxious or emotional. Also, laughing helps. Be with people who make you laugh.
“People don’t like me and think that I’m weird”
I genuinely believe that society has molded us into believing that we should act, think and look a certain way. It can put so much pressure on us, that we all end up having worries at some point in our lives of being judged. With anxiety, that is magnified and zoomed in which makes things 100 times worse. You end up convincing yourself that you’re weird or abnormal because of the thoughts in your head but that is not true. It can seem as if people can see inside of your head and know what’s going on which generates more worry and fear of judgement. I just want to let you know, that nobody thinks you’re weird or crazy, nor can they read minds. There is also no such thing as ‘weird’. You are who you are. Most people are feeling the same way that you do and are going through the same thought processes themselves. I also want to let you know that you’re not a performing monkey to suit other people’s needs; yes, some people might not like you because that’s the way that the world works, so you should never change who you are. However, half the time it’s usually just the toxic voice giving you paranoia. The people that you have around you should be constantly supporting you and reminding you that you are loved no matter how you’re feeling. If they don’t then delete them out of your life. I always used to worry that I had no friends because I began to cut toxic people out of my life, but then I realized that I would rather have little friends than ones who bring me down. It just gives you more space in your life to meet the right people.
“I’m too anxious/depressed to go outside”
The more that you tell yourself something, the truer it becomes. When you wake up and tell yourself that you’re going to have a bad day and can’t leave the house, that is exactly what will happen. Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy because we can convince ourselves to think negative thoughts before we even have them. Therefore, you have already decided the outcome of your mood and day before it’s even started. I’m not disputing how difficult it is by the way, because I’ve been there and still do go through this. There have been times where I haven’t left the bed or gone outside at all for over three weeks. You’re not going to like hearing this, but the only way that you can beat this is by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I’m not saying force yourself to go outside to a busy shopping centre or something if you haven’t left the house in months, it’s about taking baby steps. It doesn’t matter how small the action might seem, it’s just about little progressions each day. When I go through my dark phases, I will push myself to do little things. The first day, it might be just sitting in the lounge instead of my bedroom. The next day, it might be having a shower before going into the lounge. Every little step means something and you should be proud of yourself each time you progress. After that, it might be getting dressed and doing my make up after having a shower. I then might stay in the shower and lounge phase for a couple of days but I just focus on not going backwards. It’s okay to stay at one step for a little while and have little knock backs, you just have to keep getting back up and trying again until you eventually get there. If you saw somebody that you love putting themselves through what you put yourself through, you would give them some tough love right? You would want to go into their room and excuse my French, give them the kick up the arse that they need. Sometimes we need to be cruel to ourselves to be kind and as you probably know, nothing is that bad when you push past the barrier. When I do eventually end up going outside, even if it’s just for a little walk, I feel so much better within myself and you will too. Be patient and kind to yourself.
“I’m not good enough”
Don’t fall into the trap of telling yourself that you’re not good enough. The only thing that separates every single one of us is DNA. We all breathe the same air; we all live on the same planet and therefore we are all equal and as good as each other. The difference between somebody who is confident and somebody who isn’t is the belief that they have in themselves. If you constantly tell yourself that you’re not worthy or good enough to do something, then you will sub consciously walk into situations as a failure before you have even begun. It’s all about changing your thought processes so you wake up in the morning feeling energized and confident with who you are. There are a variety of reasons you might not feel good enough, but don’t worry. Just take one step at a time.
“I feel like ending my life”
Having this thought is nothing to be ashamed of. Many people go through phases in their life when they feel like they’ve lost sight of who they are and why there are here. It isn’t shameful to admit that sometimes we need somebody to talk to and to help us get back on the right path. I have had these thoughts and I felt like they would never disappear. The important thing to remember, is that these thoughts will always pass and you won’t feel like this forever. You can try talking to somebody to help you get a different fresh perspective on life but I understand that it may not be easy to say this out loud. If this is the case, when you have these thoughts it can be productive and helpful to make a list on how you are going to make positive changes for your future. When writing this list, think of everything that has previously upset you and made you happy and review how you can have goals to ensure that you make your life more positive.