Thoughts

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Is there a purpose? What does it all mean? Am I ever going to feel normal? I’m lonely. Nobody cares about me or understands how I’m feeling. They’ll just think i’m being a drama queen. People don’t get it. There is literally no point in being alive. Everything is shit. I have no money. Nobody would care if I wasn’t here anyway. There is no point. I want to die. I’m sick of feeling this way. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Nobody cares. Nobody gets it. I want to die. I’m on my own. This feeling is never going to go. I’m the only one who feels like this. It would be better if I was dead, then I wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore. I’m drained. I’m tired. I give up. I want to die. Nobody gets it. Why does nobody care? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I have no money. Life is shit. There is no point. What is the point? I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.

Why can’t I do anything properly? Why am I shit at everything? it’s hot in here. Am I sweating? They’re staring at me. Why are they staring at me? Can they see that I’m sweating? No, surely they can’t. It’s fine. Just sit here and look normal. Where do I look? This looks stupid. They’re talking about me. I’m sweating. Okay, i’m getting hot. I can’t talk to anybody because I feel weird. I need to go outside. My heart is beating. Why am I sweating so much? I’m shaking. Try not to look like you’re shaking. Oh god, I’m going to have to look them in the eye in a minute. They’re going to know that I’m feeling anxious. What am I going to say? I don’t know what to say. I’m sweating. I’m shaking. Act normal.

Today is amazing. My life is on track. Everything is perfect. I’ve got so many fresh ideas and I’m never going to allow myself to feel like shit again. Things are on the rise. Everything is getting better and nothings going to bring me down. Things are going to start changing. I can feel it. Everything is perfect. Everybody loves me. I am amazing.

I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m disgusting. I’m worthless. I’m not going to make anything of my life. I’m never good enough. I’m never good at anything. I’m fat. I’m spotty. I have bags under my eyes. Why can’t I be pretty? Why does everything I wear make me look fat? I have nothing to wear. I feel disgusting. I’m rank. Look at my spots. I look like shit. Why can’t my skin be clear? Why do other girls get to look flawless? Why am I never good enough. I’m not good at anything. I look disgusting. What’s the point? I can’t do anything. I dont look right. I look like shit. Im shit at everything. Im spotty. Im never good enough.

Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it. I don’t know what but it is. I can’t go out incase I get hurt. What if somebody I love gets hurt? What if it’s happening now?

Shall I drive into a wall? What about if I just runaway? I have no money.

Everyone can fuck off. I hate everybody.

I don’t want to go out because I will have to make eye contact and socialise and pretend to be normal.

I’m in such a good mood, this is never going to go away. I feel fantastic.

I wonder what it would feel like to drive into a wall.

Life’s shit.

Life’s great. I’m so happy.

I want to escape. I want to be free. I’m tired.

I’m lost.

Nothing can make this better. I’m alone. Nobody cares. I want to hurt myself. I want to die.

Things are great.

I feel nothing.

I can’t physically move out of bed. I’m drained. I have no motivation. I’m numb.

Why do I have to keep feeling this way?

I’m anxious. I’m lost. Where is my life going?

4 thoughts on “Thoughts

  1. Are you really anxious? Upset? Lonely? Why don’t you find a new hobby? What do you like? Is it depression that you are feeling? If this is emptiness or depression why not get your acetyl L carnitine levels checked it’s the molecule which transmits our fatty acids to our mitochondria so it might be a cause of lack of energy a chief complain if depression.

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