I don’t know about you, but I am probably one of the world’s worst daters. When I get complimented my natural reaction is to pull a double chin face and start snorting. Not attractive, I know. I also have the tendency to not believe a word that comes out of another mans mouth but I think this is because I’ve just ended up with liars in the past. I’m also EXTREMELY fussy. It’s like I don’t want a man to be cringey but then I don’t want them to be a typical lad who makes sexual references 24/7 because it’s boring and not funny in the slightest. I also get bored of talking to somebody very quickly and chuck having depression and anxiety in the mix and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster. However, I didn’t want to make this about dating with a mental health illness as I find that we can all struggle with the dating scene so here I am with a few (hopefully, kind of) good pieces of advice.
I think that there’s some sort of thing in dating that makes you feel like you have to lie and act like somebody you’re not when you first start dating. I mean, obviously you have to make good impressions and not go full psycho straight away (haha), but it can be too easy to get stuck into acting like somebody that you’re not to suit the other persons needs. It’s like walking on eggshells and questioning what you can and can’t say. Way too often, you can fall into the trap of analysing everything that you say before you send a message or over thinking what to look and act like. Yes, we want to impress but we don’t want to create this false perception of ourselves. Just be honest with who you are and what you want to say. If somebody likes you then they won’t even question it. Don’t get caught up in playing games either, just be honest with your intentions and feelings and then nobody can get hurt. If somebody doesn’t want to stick around then that’s their loss!
DON’T RUSH THE SEX
Don’t have sex with somebody before you get to know them well enough. You might think that somebody is the right one for you but if you don’t know them on a strong personal level then you’re more than likely going to end up regretting your decisions. If you want to have fun then by all means, sleep with somebody! But if you want a relationship built on a sense of respect and trust, wait for sex. It not only intensifies the emotions when you do have it, but it shows that you are worth the wait and not easy. If you want to be in a relationship and are actively looking yet you’re constantly encountering people that are making sexual references and remarks, they aren’t the right one for you. You deserve better.
If you’re feeling alone and you keep going back to that person you’ve been dating who doesn’t really do it for you but fills the time- cut them out! I get how it feels when you want to have that companionship and company but whilst your wasting time with this person, you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to grow and meet the right person. Be okay with being alone rather than being with the wrong person. Wait for that person who sparks a fire in your soul. Who interests you and makes you want to know more. That’s what you need to wait for.
PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE
Okay, so this is where i’m being a major hypocrite. My anxiety always massively kicks in when i’m talking to somebody and I always end up running away from the situation of a date because it makes me cringe so badly! However, the truth of the matter is you and I need to get over the fear of putting ourselves out there. Don’t be feared of rejection either. Just look at it as two friends meeting up. I always find that it’s more helpful if you have been speaking to the person quite a while before hand as you know each other well enough to know your sense of humours and personality then.
TRY NOT TO PRE JUDGE
Yes, I am also massively guilty of this. I judge what somebody is going to be like based on past relationships and experiences and then I end up ruining good situations for myself because I’ve created situations and spoke myself up into believing that the person I’m speaking to is going to hurt me. Thus, making me go into self defence mode and just creating a drama and shit situation. So yeah, try not to assume and get to know that person individually. It’s also good to go for people who you wouldn’t normally go for. Because that might be what you need. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box a bit.
It can feel like you’re going to be alone forever sometimes but that really isn’t the case. Don’t try to force things to happen too much! Know that must people come along when you aren’t looking for them. Don’t be too pushy on somebody as this can come across as unattractive. However, don’t push yourself so far away from people because you’re afraid. Neither are healthy! Just enjoy the process of getting to know people and know that your time will come. When you meet the right person, you won’t even have to think about anything. It will all come naturally.
So there you go guys. I hope this has helped you in one way or another. Happy dating. Keep being a boss.