Living with depression 2

I’ve been feeling really low for the past couple of days, to the point of vomiting, stomach upset and lack of sleep. It feels like depression is taking over my life. It’s like somebody has reached inside of me and pulled out every inch of happiness.

When I have a bad day, I have some awful thoughts. But I know that I can’t be the only one that feels like this and I try my hardest to find a string of hope in my brain to cling on to. If you are reading this, then I hope that you can hold these words close to your heart and that it helps you too if you have to go through this.

FIGHTING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS:

What’s the point? I don’t want to be here anymore.
– It can feel like the world is pointless and nothing can make it better. Some people might not understand this if they have never experienced depression but it’s a very raw and real emotion. Try to remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day. Think of your family/friends.
There is beauty and love all around you but you just can’t see it today and that’s okay. You will see it again. Hold on to that and try to have faith that not every day will feel as bad.

I hate my appearance.
– When you look in the mirror, the way that you perceive yourself isn’t how other people perceive you. I always tell myself that i’m disgusting, fat, spotty and ugly and I talk to myself like a piece of shit. But I would never look at another person and think those things. That’s because there is beauty to see in everyone and our own flaws don’t matter to strangers. Thought processes determines whether you feel attractive or not. It has nothing to do with what size you are or what’s on your face. It’s about believing you are attractive inside.

Nobody needs me.
– I feel worthless sometimes, like it wouldn’t matter if i was here or not. I can feel majorly isolated from my friends and family and it’s something that I really struggle with. If you feel like this, then remember all of the times that you have made somebody smile or helped somebody. You might not think that anybody needs you around but it’s important to know that there are probably people who need you more than you realise. They just might not show it. It can also help to talk to people about how you feel and get that little bit of reassurance that we all sometimes need.

​I don’t want to be around anybody or go outside.
– This is something I fight with most days. Finding the energy to go outside and be active in the real world is really tough. It might not be achievable to get up and go out every single day, but make sure that if you stay at home, you do something to split the day up like: Clean the house, go into the lounge instead of sitting in the bedroom, sit outside in the garden, read a book etc. If you have to work full time and it’s affecting your work life, discuss it with your manager/doctors and see what routes can be taken to help.

I have no passion for anything anymore.
– I feel really numb and can’t experience much passion for things some days and it really upsets me because I want to. When I feel like this, I try and force myself to do something even if i’m not motivated or passionate. This is one of the hardest things to do but giving yourself a little push sometimes doesn’t hurt anybody. It takes a lot of strength and courage but i believe that anybody can do it.

The bad days are a massive test and I understand that. There are so many more thoughts that run through my head and run through other peoples. I can’t write them all at once because I just go with the frame of mind that I am in when I write. I go to bed some nights and just lie there crying. I do feel like hope is lost and I do feel like giving up sometimes- I’m not ashamed to write that because it’s who I am. I get angry at the rest of the world and other peoples success because I feel like i’m not moving forward. I’m not a bitter or spiteful person but i’m human. I don’t think people should hide how they feel or try and portray the perfect life online because it’s not real. We  should all be honest and work together to get through the negative times. It’s not always easy to find hope but hopefully this can be somebody elses way of finding it. ​

2 thoughts on “Living with depression 2

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