Living with depression

After writing this whole blog out, my internet connection failed and I lost the whole thing. That’s what I feel like my life has been like for the whole of this year. Every time I think i’m getting somewhere, I end up right back where I was at the start again. I want to have a positive, feel good blog. I want to make people smile. But I want to keep it real. I want you to connect with my posts because you feel something when you read them. Whether you live with a mental health illness too or read this from a totally different perspective, I want you to take the words that I say into your soul and keep them there. I want people to understand. Otherwise there is no point in me writing at all. I promise I will bring you good vibes, love and light in what I do. But it’s really important to show that nobody is perfect. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes. It’s how we pick ourselves back up when we are on the floor that counts.

THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN LIVING WITH DEPRESSION:

– It’s so easy to pick the nobody understands how I feel‘ option when you feel down.

Correct, nobody will ever know what it’s like to be inside your head but they might pick that thought process too. People understand what it’s like to feel like nobody understands.

-It’s okay to change as a person. Don’t beat yourself up because you wish that you were still the same person that you was a few years ago.

I do this a lot. I tell myself that I want to go back to being care free. Before the depression and anxiety. But in reality, why would I want to go backwards? Yes, things may have been easier in the past but if I still lived there then I would never learn anything about myself or experience new things. We learn new things every day and not all days are bad. Yes you may be different. That’s good. You learn to cherish the good times and how to keep fighting when things are tough.

– Yes, you may lose friendships along the way. That’s not your fault. That just shows you that the people you lost wasn’t really worth associating with in the first place.

Sometimes, I look at old photographs of people that I used to be friends with and I blame myself for losing the relationships. I shouldn’t do that. And neither should you. People will seem like such a major part of your life and then just disappear. Not everybody will stand by you when you’re at your lowest. They only want you when you’re at your best. People like that aren’t worthy of your time. We all have a tendency to look at the past with rose tinted glasses. Everything happens for a reason. You haven’t pushed anybody away. If somebody wants to stick by you then they will. No matter what.

– There may be days where you don’t leave your bed and there may be days where you feel perfectly fine. That’s okay. Take baby steps. You will eventually get there.

After losing my job, I pretty much gave up with life. I hardly left my bed- my skin broke out terribly and I put on 2 stone. I still despise myself for letting myself go like that. There are days where I can look at myself in the mirror and call myself a fat ugly pig. What a poisonous way to think? But then I think about the times that i’ve managed to get up,get dressed and do my make up after battling with my brain telling me not to.. and i’m really effing proud of myself. You will slowly start taking steps to become stronger. It won’t come overnight, but you will get there. And so will I.

Depression is a battle but it’s also a really important journey for the soul. Not everybody is dealt the same cards in life, we have to ride with what we’ve got. Depression will never disappear. It’s a part of you. But you can eventually learn to hold it’s hand and have a good relationship with it. It just takes time.

There may be different reasons and experiences that have led you to feel this way but we are all united and please know that whatever your circumstances are.. you are beautiful and you are loved.

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